Reflections

As 2013 comes to an end, I've thought lots about what has happened and what I've achieved.  I've also spent a long time in the last few months trying to put behind me what has gone and how different life has become. 

Yes I've has cancer,and while the effects of that are frankly pretty rubbish it's opened doors to me, it's shown he who my friends are and helped me find new ones through the sarcoma online support group. Being able to express yourself and get out those emotions and worries is essential to emotional wellbeing, (something I wasn't very good at initially) 

I have also come across Shine, which is a support network for younger adults with cancer. I'm looking forward to meeting some of those people next week, which will be nice after chatting online. 

So onto positive things of the year include:

Two of my best friends have got married (to different people not each other)

Three of my best friends have welcomed 4 babies into the world 

My cousin welcoming a little girl into the world. 

Catching up with a friend I've not heard from in a long time 

Achievements of the year include : (yes they are mainly sarcoma centric)

Sitting up for the first time unaided.

Managing to stand and walk to the end of my bed

Taking my first shower unaided

Putting on my own socks

Making my own lunch (even though I did drop it on the floor walking to the table) 

Not having a panic attack in the MRI! 

There is a long way to go, but I'm getting there. 2014 is going to be a positive year, yes there is more surgery to come, but I'm now under the care of the therapy teams I need to be to ensure I get the best  of my surgery and the best possible outcomes. 

A dip, but where is my pizza?

Now there is a phrase I never thought I would say to a delivery driver.  I think this is honestly the most ridiculous situation I have ever been in. 

Last Friday I honestly thought I was being pranked. I ordered myself a dominos and waited for it to be delivered. Spendng £9.99 to mean I ddnt have to leave the house. 

The delivery driver arrived, opened the bag the pizzas come in and handed me a dip. A dip! Only a dip. 

He then proceeds to ask is that everything... Er no, I've not paid £9.99 for a dip. I didn't even get a pizza box, just a dip.  Going through my mind I'm thinking "this guy is totally having me on isn't he..." 

When I say no, I ordered a pizza he proceeds to search through this flat bag that I can totally see is empty, it was comical the way he runs his hands through it, in the way you search your bag for the house keys. 

He then says he will have to get them to make me a new pizza up, and goes to phone, only he rings my mobile, and proceeds to get ratty when I say I am not dominos, you've dialled the wrong number! 

I eventually get a pizza, no word of apology about the whole episode, although it is cold an unappetising... I have no idea how long it has been out for, and I try to phone up the store to complain about the whole farce, but I get hung up on when I ask to speak to the manager. 

I tweeted my annoyance and complaint, and was asked to write to customer services, which I did, and received a reply telling me to speak to the store manager.... Well I tried but got hung up on. It's not like I want to try that again, and even more annoyingly I said in my email that I had tried to speak to the mangager so it seems to me, my email was not read properly and instead a generic send to all email sent out.  

I don't know what makes me more of an unhappy customer, the original, here is your order; dip but no pizza saga, or the robotic uncaring manner within which Dominos customer services seems to operate. I have also noted that on twitter, dominos does not reply to tweets, it writes a new message @ the person who has tweeted them, meaning other people cannot see what dominos are corresponding about without a bit of faffing round.  Clever and sneaky. 

The whole thing is ridiculous, and it would probably be a bit funny if the pizza wasn't so expensive. 

Georgina Anderson Two Thirds Of A Piece

Tragically earlier this year another young life was taken by sarcoma. Georgina was just 15 when she died having learned of her diagnosis only months earlier.  Georgina was a very talented musician. Her only wish before she died was that her music would be heard by many.  Well before she died make a wish, twitter and Facebook helped her YouTube videos go viral, and she learned that one of her original compositions would be released.

Her family and friends are doing ther best to get her single to number 1 in the charts for Christmas. It's a beautiful song called a Two Thirds Of A Piece.

Find it on google play here

Google Play Two Thirds Of A Piece

Or iTunes here

iTunes Two Thirds Of A Piece 

Proceeds are being split between two charities,  Teenage Cancer Trust and Cancer Research UK

The melody is simple, but catching and so beautifully sung and played. It is a lovely song and I don't think you'd regret buying it. 

Let's try and get it as high in the charts as we possibly can, for Georgina, her family and friends. 

The Knork and a BPI

I have a brachial plexus injury after a tumour was removed earlier this year, it means I have very limited use of my hand and as a result have some difficulties in everyday life.  All those things you do without really thinking, buttons, zips laces, your bra are all suddenly much more difficult.  Never mind cooking cleaning and eating.  I am unable to grip in one hand and struggle to hold cutlery to cut my food, and as a result have been reliant upon others to help or face making a right old mess, well I saw mentioned a Knork, to assist people with limb disabilities and thought I must try one. 

A knork? I hear you say. What's a knork? Well, most of you will be familiar with the spork- the spoon fork combination. The knork is the knife fork combination,  but unlike previous incarnation of similar utensils this does not have a serrated edge, and instead relies upon the shape of the tines and the thickened edge to cut food when the user applies a rocking action. 

Tonight I used mine for the first time (with great excitement) and I am very excited to report that within two minutes I had mastered the technique and was eating independently! Now, according to the label which shows a user using it on a steak this should be possible, I shall look forward to trying this out on other meals and reporting back further! 

      

What do I want to do?

Ever since I was very small I wanted to be a teacher,  it was my focus my passion.  

As a Brownie leader while at school it secured this thoughts and further work experience sealed the deal. I really had to be a teacher.  Despite my struggles at school I got through my GCSEs and A levels,  got to university where we found I was dyslexic, I still had this desire to teach, to share the way I access the world and make school a better experience for others. 

I graduated with a 2:I and went on to do my PGCE. We then moved to a new area and I did supply work to get my face known and to settle in to life in a new city, a vast difference from a small seaside town. I got my first job, to start my NQT, then I got sick. 

I was put in a position where I pretty much had to decide health or job, (this was before we knew how serious my illness was) I chose health, I was told I'd regret it. 

So now, I'm at a point a year on, where I'm thinking what I want to do, I'm still unfit to go back to teaching, and probably would not be in a position to do so until next September, however I'm unsure. Do I want to? My passion and talents lie in teaching the youngest children, but I can't get down on the floor, I can't be on their level, I can't sit on the little chairs, I can't tie shoelaces or do little buttons, all things that are important, yet going into. Key stage 2 I get frightened by my dyslexia as I don't want to mark things correct that are incorrect as I've transposed numbers and words. 

Do I even want to go back into a school? The thought sends me scared, terrified actually, do I want to be in that environment that I nearly pushed me into sacrificing my life as that is what the end result could have been if I'd succumbed to the pressure. 

Then I think if I don't teach, what do I want to do? I've got £30,000 of student loan debt in order to become a teacher and it seems such a waste to throw that away. I think I want a job I can leave at work. Where my home time is home time and I can spend it with my lovely partner. I wish there was an easy solution, a magic ball to give me the answer or someone to guide me through this desicion. I want to feel some sort of satisfaction from my job, but I wider what will give me that. 

My new rocketdogs

Ok, so they aren't that new, I've had them at least a month, but I got them for a bargain price and was so pleased.  I've been unable to do laces etc since surgery and little pumps were just getting too cold to cope with.  So for £15 I thought these were worth a punt. 

Apart from being totally cool, they are really comfy. They are wearing well and always get me compliments. 

Now I only need some more! 

Freddie Mercury

UI don't remember when I heard my first song by Queen,  but along with The Beatles and a few other groups Queen and Freddie were a staple of my upbringing.

I distinctly remember singing these songs with my best friend at Infant school, and I remember our utter sadness at learning of the death of Freddie in 1991. We would have been in year 1 at this point. An age that we didn't understand the cause of his death or the impact of him being open about his illness towards the end of his life. 

There is one Freddie work that stands out to me amongst my all time favourites, it's the one I love to sing and pretend I am on stage in front of thousands of adoring fans. Barcelona, the partnership with. Montserrat Caballé  is incredible, it sends shivers down my spine and gives me goosebumps every single time

It may be 22 years since the death of Freddie Mercury, but for me he is one of the greatest musicians and performers we have seen, and his music will outlive us all. Thank you Freddie for sharing your gift of music with the world, it makes my world a better place. You will always be greatly missed. 

Friendship

It's strange how things happen, how things can show you who your friends are and how important you are to them. 

In the last year I have been shown unparalleled kindness from virtual strangers and my "in the flesh" friends. When things first kicked off last year and I ended up going back and forth for diagnostic tests hours away from home some lovely people from a forum I used to frequent a lot decided to do something nice. When you've spent more time on trains and in random hospitals (3 different ones in two weeks) than you have at home, and having spent a months wages on travel and subsitence while there, the fact that people I'd not met for the most part cared enough to help reduced me to tears, the kindness overwhelming. Their kindness gave us enough of a buffer for us not to default on the mortgage, and left money for fuel for my partner who spent up to 5 hours a night on the road to go see me when I was in hospital for my surgery. 

Kindness comes in many forms, be it a card, a text to ask how you are or a phone call, my visits were few and far between other than my partner but it was so much appreciated to see a smiling face and have a hug. You miss those sorts of connections when so far from home, and a hug from a "ward mate" is comforting but not quite the same. 

Post flowed in for me while in hospital, even bouncing between wards and the thought and care that went into them was lovely, earplugs for when the flatulance orchestra gets too loud were greatly appreciated, but to know someone cares brings a smile.

Currently on my bed is a masterpiece,again this was created by the lovely ladies of the forum and it's beautiful patchwork crochet and knitted blanket, in vibrant colours and patterns it's beautiful, with the words forum force emblazoned on it. Forum force is something someone would ask for on behalf of themselves or someone else in a time of need. The blanket symbolises to ne the friendship and connection we all shared through a place where many of us wasted many hours and years, but it never was a place just about soap. It was a community, a group of friends and I'm pleased to say I can call those ladies (and gents) friends. 

They have listened, shown understanding, stopped me from panicking and generally held me together. There never really will be enough ways to say Thank You, but I hope they know how much of a difference they have made my life and in making a proper crap year, bareable.  I will pass forward their kindness and generosity where I can in the future. 

*here ends a really soppy post*

Luna Mini

I have been using the Luna mini for just under a month now. I received it thanks to a generous discount received through Bzzagent. 

I've always had an oily t zone but prone to dryness elsewhere and would often get the odd spot or two. 

I have to say I'm impressed. The compactness of the unit makes it ideal size wise to fit in the hand and be neither too big nor too small.  From the first use my skin felt smoother and softer,  within a few days it was looking brighter and clearer too.  Even better I have not had to charge it yet, which is a great bonus. 

I have being using it with Liz Earle Cleanse and Polish in the evening, and a Clearasil gel wash in the morning followed by L'ocittane Imortelle Brightening Essence and Imortelle Brightening Moisturiser.

The above photos were taken day 1 and day 7.

I'm really pleased with the results and if I had £100 it would be on my list to pick from. 

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, a year I will never forget, a year that has moulded me, changed me, given me an understanding of how your life can change in a blink and how  you can find out in the very worst way the best and worst in those with whom you share your life.

A year ago today my roller coaster journey with cancer started, not that we knew it then, and perhaps I was a little blind in what was happening in thinking everything is ok, in ignoring my symptoms but I was on track to being diagnosed with a Soft Tissue Sarcoma, a group of cancers that make up only 1% of all diagnosed cancers each year in the UK of which there are then approximately 50 subtypes.

No one will never truly understand the emotion and how soul destroying it is to be told you have cancer but it really is like the most recent Macmillan advert. Everything sort of clouds over and feels all very surreal and hazy, then it was almost as if  my world was pulled from under my feet.  There you are not long out of University, starting to make your way in the world and suddenly this massive hurdle is placed in front of you.

From friends, to employers I've seen and heard the best things and the worst about both from various support networks, I know now who my true friends are, and I will be forever grateful to them and my family for all they have done for me and continue to do for me.

My last set of scans were all good, so now properly begins the task of getting my life back on track. Cancer will always be part of my life, but I hope with each day, month and year that passes that it will continue to be a smaller part of it.